La grossesse: un catalyseur des violences conjugales

Analyses / mardi, mai 18th, 2021

Souvent associée à un moment heureux, la grossesse est aussi un déclencheur ou un accélérateur des violences conjugales physiques. Le passage à l’acte pour le conjoint violent s’explique par différentes raisons :  le passé, la jalousie et cette période particulière qu’est la paternité.

“Est ce qu’on vous a déjà fait du mal ?” Cette question, Camille Hutin, sage femme à l’hôpital de Calais, la pose à chacune de ses patientes enceintes. “Il faut interroger la patiente systématiquement, même si elle ne répond pas immédiatement, elle sait qu’elle peut nous en parler et ça reste dans un coin de sa tête.” La sage femme sait que les visites prénatales sont des moments privilégiés pour dépister les violences conjugales : les femmes viennent seules. Au quotidien, elle garde en tête un chiffre alarmant, 1 femme enceinte sur 10 est victime de violence, d’après une enquête d’un hôpital du Val- de- Marne. Et, pour celles qui ont recours aux IVG (Intervention volontaire de grossesse), le constat est encore plus préoccupant : “Quand on fait des statistiques anonymes, c’est ⅓ dans l’année qui précède. » ajoute t-elle.

L’image est troublante et difficilement imaginable: un homme qui frappe sur le ventre de sa femme, enceinte. Pourtant, les coups commencent à cette période dans 40% des cas d’après une enquête canadienne. “ La grossesse a un effet catalyseur ” sur les violences conjugales, résume Mathilde Delespines, sage femme coordonatrice de la Maison des femmes de Saint-Denis. L’établissement propose aux femmes victimes de violences, une prise en charge médicale et juridique. Au moment de la grossesse, les violences s’exacerbent pour ⅔ des femmes et/ou changent de forme : “ Auparavant psychologiques et verbales, elles deviennent physiques voir sexuelles,” ajoute Madame Delespines.


“ La maman ne va plus accepter ce qu’elle acceptait jusque là.”

Une grossesse est  “un remaniement psychique intense pour la mère et pour le père” rappelle Séverine Dagand, psychologue spécialisée sur la périnatalité. Un bouleversement qu’elle compare à un autre moment fort : la crise d’adolescence. Chez la mère, cela se traduit par une crise identitaire, une perte de repères, souvent appelée “la crise maturative”. Toutes ces modifications vont faire en sorte que parfois, “ la maman ne va plus accepter ce qu’elle acceptait jusque-là » de la part de son mari, déclare Séverine Dagand.

La grossesse rebat les cartes. “Quand on s’en prend à leur enfant, c’est un déclic pour partir ou commencer à parler”, détaille la sage femme de Calais, Camille Hutin. C’est un stade supplémentaire, comme la goutte d’eau qui fait déborder le vase, qui fait que la femme ne veut plus endurer ce que le père lui fait subir.


Dr Jekyll et Mister Hyde

L’enfant, pour la plupart du temps, est désiré par les deux parents. Mais, il peut être considéré par le conjoint violent comme un concurrent. “Un tiers qui vient mettre le bazar dans la relation conjugale et qui accapare l’amour de sa femme”, décrit la sage femme Camille Hutin. Le conjoint est en proie à une jalousie et une ambivalence vis-à-vis de son futur enfant : il le hait et le désire. Une jalousie qui peut être un déclencheur de la violence.

A l’image des petits enfants qui tapent des pieds et font des crises de colère quand ils n’obtiennent pas ce qu’ils veulent, décrit la psychologue, le conjoint violent cherche un autre moyen de reprendre le dessus sur sa compagne et c’est à ce moment-là que s’impose la réponse par la violence. Les coups sont principalement dirigés vers le ventre de la mère. Les attaques verbales du conjoint violent, du style “grosse vache”  s’appuient sur le changement du corps de la femme, la prise de poids, le fait que son conjoint la trouve moins désirable. Elle est attaquée sur sa féminité quand plus tard, elle le sera sur son rôle de mère.

Et lorsque la  mère subit les coups et les insultes, elle est souvent dans un état de sidération. “ Il y a un clivage entre le conjoint aimant et les actes de violences. L’homme est un peu Dr Jekyll et Mister Hyde.” décrit Séverine Dagand. La femme a envie que ça marche, de fonder une famille et elle minimise et banalise parfois les violences à son encontre. Ces futures mères ont d’autant plus de mal à partir qu’elles craignent de priver leur enfant de leur père. En état de stress constant et d’hypervigilance, elles échappent au réel de ce qui leur arrive et ne voient finalement plus ce qui est dangereux pour elles.


Fausses couches à répétition et mort in utero

Les conséquences de cette violence conjugale sont nombreuses sur la future mère et son bébé : troubles somatiques et ou gynécologiques, atteintes physiques, fausses couches à répétition et mort in utero. “ Elles ont beaucoup plus de risques d’avoir une grossesse à risque, un accouchement prématuré et un bébé trop petit par rapport au terme”;  c’est ce qui arrive le plus souvent pour ces femmes victimes de violences d’après Mathilde Delespines. Il y a encore une dizaine d’années, les personnels de la santé ne savaient pas comment réagir face à ces victimes. La sage femme Camille Hutin se rappelle du témoignage de l’une de ses patiente : “ C’était il y a 5 ans, elle m’a raconté qu’elle était victime de viol conjugal et de violences physiques. Sur le coup, j’ai été désemparée, je ne savais pas quoi faire.” Aujourd’hui, elle sait conseiller les futures mères et les réorienter au besoin vers d’autres professionnels comme à la Parenthèse. Un lieu qui a ouvert ses portes en 2017 à Calais et qui permet un accompagnement juridique, social, médical et psychologique pour les victimes de violences conjugales. Une avancée pour le territoire et les victimes, qui n’avaient pas de lieu similaire jusqu’alors.

Marie Joan

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