Au centre Clotaire – Episode 4 : le questionnaire

Au Centre Clotaire, Témoignages / lundi, mai 28th, 2018

Lorsque l’on parle de violences conjugales et d’associations, on pense à celles qui viennent en aide aux victimes, majoritairement des femmes. Mais dans les Hauts-de-France, l’association Solidarité Femmes Accueil (SOLFA) a fait le choix d’ouvrir un pôle d’un genre un peu particulier pour travailler avec les auteurs de violences conjugales : le Centre Clotaire.

Deux séances nous séparent de la dernière fois où Rompre l’Emprise est venu. Lors de la quatrième séance du groupe, à laquelle nous n’avons pas assisté, les hommes ont travaillé sur les différentes formes de violences conjugales et ont échangé sur leurs expériences personnelles. Pendant la cinquième séance, ils ont travaillé sur des mots croisés, pour déconstruire les stéréotypes et les représentations sociales.

Mardi 15 mai, le groupe se retrouve en comité restreint pour sa sixième séance. Ils ne sont que trois hommes à être présents : Michel*, Nicolas* et Pablo*. Trois hommes accompagnés de trois femmes : Roxane Amyot, psychologue, Séverine Lescoutre, éducatrice spécialisée, et Claire Dubocquet, étudiante en M2 de psychologie qui a rejoint l’équipe pour son stage de fin d’études. Ce soir, ils vont travailler sur un questionnaire qui recense 16 idées reçues sur les violences conjugales et les chiffres clefs du phénomène. Chacun d’entre entre eux va devoir lire les 16 assertions du document et dire s’il est d’accord, ou non, avec ces affirmations. Ils vont ensuite en discuter pour provoquer des échanges entre eux. « Le plus intéressant, c’est quand ils ne sont pas d’accord », explique Roxane Amyot, la psychologue.

« Je ne peux parler de cet épisode à personne d’autre »

« C’était éprouvant. » Avant de débuter la séance, le groupe revient longuement sur le procès d’un des hommes qui s’est tenu les jours précédents.** Il a été condamné à de la prison avec sursis et se dit « soulagé », même s’il a « des regrets » et aura besoin de « plus de temps pour être vraiment soulagé ». L’homme pense « ne jamais oublier ». Blessé par certains propos, notamment ceux de son ex-compagne qui s’était constituée partie civile, l’homme estime avoir fait « profil bas ». Il n’a pas compris toutes les accusations qui pesaient contre lui : « Je ne suis pas jaloux, je ne la privais pas de liberté. » Séverine Lescoutre, éducatrice spécialisée, mentionne la fois où « Monsieur » aurait vérifié le téléphone de « Madame » alors qu’ils étaient séparés. Ce à quoi il répond : « Qui ne l’a pas fait ? » L’homme estime que participer au groupe de parole de Clotaire lui a servi lors de son procès : « Clairement oui. Je ne peux parler de cet épisode à personne d’autre, surtout pas à ma famille proche. Je veux préserver ma mère de tout ça. »

Le temps passe. « Maintenant, on va passer à la séance d’aujourd’hui », rappelle Séverine. Le groupe commence à lire le questionnaire. « On vous laisse le remplir et après on en discute tous ensemble », poursuit-elle. L’ambiance est studieuse, les trois hommes sont concentrés sur leur double page et entourent les réponses qui leur semblent correctes. Seules les mines des crayons gris qui frottent sur le papier et le bruit des pages tournées viennent perturber le silence de la salle. Michel se plonge dans son questionnaire et cherche quoi répondre. Pablo est attentif, imperturbable, il prend son temps. En lisant les questions à voix basse, ses sourcils se froncent régulièrement. Il semble inquiet à l’idée de ne pas répondre correctement et veut désespérément bien faire. Il craint de ne plus pouvoir revoir « Madame ».

« Pour le texte à trous, c’est ou on sait, ou on ne sait pas ? », s’interroge David. Les hommes ne savent pas quels chiffres mettre. « Pour les femmes victimes de violences conjugales physiques et/ou sexuelles chaque année, c’est plus que 50 000”, leur indique Séverine après avoir lu ce chiffre sur le questionnaire d’un des hommes. Michel prend son crayon et rajoute un 0 sur sa feuille, sans trop savoir quel est le chiffre correct. Le temps passe lentement, les hommes s’attardent sur leur document, comme s’ils voulaient être sûrs de tout bien assimiler. Enfin, Michel termine, suivi par Nicolas. Pablo ne veut pas abandonner avant d’avoir tout rempli. « Vous avez le droit de ne pas savoir », lui explique Séverine. Mais Pablo ne veut pas laisser tomber. Il finit par se résigner et pose son crayon.

Claire Dubocquet lance le débriefing. Sur les seize affirmations que compte le questionnaire, les hommes sont d’accord entre eux dix fois. Parmi elles : « Les violences verbales ne sont pas moins graves et moins importantes que les violences physiques », « La violence crée un climat de peur et de tension au sein de la maison », « Une victime de violences conjugales n’est pas une personne qui a provoqué son compagnon” ou encore “Les enfants sont directement touchés par les violences de leurs parents, même s’ils ne sont pas directement touchés ». C’est d’ailleurs cette dernière affirmation qui fait le plus réagir Pablo : « C’est sûr qu’ils sont touchés. »

Une fois seulement, ils sont d’accord à tort. Pour les participants au groupe Clotaire, un auteur de violence conjugale est une personne violente. Les hommes estiment « qu’une fois qu’on est violent, on est violent ». Mais c’est loin d’être le cas, comme l’explique Sévérine Lescoutre : « Quand on vous croise dans la rue, on n’a pas peur de s’en prendre une. Vous vous en êtes pris à une personne parce qu’il y avait eu une accumulation de choses, ça ne fait pas de vous des gens violents. » Mais l’équipe insiste sur le fait que cela n’excuse rien.

« Il y a plein de gars qui ne passent pas à l’acte »

Plusieurs fois, les hommes sont en désaccord. Quand on leur demande si “les auteurs de violences conjugales sont des personnes malades”, Nicolas et Pablo estiment que oui. Un avis que ne partage pas Michel, qui avance : « Ce n’est pas une maladie, comme l’alcoolisme par exemple. » Alors, la psychologue et l’éducatrice spécialisée demandent à Pablo et Nicolas s’ils se sentent malades. Pablo reste discret, comme lors des séances précédentes. Nicolas rétorque : « Pour faire ça, il faut avoir un pet’ au casque, il y a quelque chose qui ne va pas. Il y a plein de gars qui ne passent pas à l’acte. » Roxane explique : « Ça ne fait pas de vous des malades, ça ne se soigne pas. Ça ne relève pas de la psychiatrie. Vous avez dérapé, vous n’êtes pas socialement inadaptés. » Elle enchaîne : « Vous avez une mauvaise gestion des sentiments, mais vous ressentez des regrets, de la culpabilité. Une personne malade ne ressent pas ça. »

Ils ne sont pas d’accord, non plus, quand il s’agit d’expliquer que la violence permet de retrouver le contrôle sur une situation. Une affirmation vraie pour Nicolas, mais fausse pour Pablo et Michel. Ce dernier estime que « c’est encore pire avec la violence ». Ce à quoi l’équipe répond que la violence intervient généralement quand la personne « perd le contrôle et n’a plus les manettes ». Elle lui donne l’impression de reprendre le contrôle quelques instants.

Sur d’autres affirmations du questionnaire, les hommes sont d’accord mais réagissent de manière différente. « Quand quelqu’un est témoin de violences dans un couple, il doit intervenir. » En s’interposant, selon Michel. Un avis partagé par Nicolas, qui propose de dialoguer d’abord et d’intervenir physiquement si les choses dégénèrent. Une attitude fortement déconseillée par Roxane : « Si ça dégénère, ce n’est pas en votre faveur. » Séverine ajoute : « Dans votre situation, c’est mieux de ne pas intervenir physiquement. Vous avez une épée de Damoclès au-dessus de la tête mais vous ne pouvez pas fermer les yeux. »

« Ça aurait pu être n’importe lequel d’entre vous »

Vient ensuite le moment redouté du texte à trous à compléter. Sur les chiffres, les hommes sont parfois loin du compte, notamment quand il s’agit de trouver  le nombre de femmes victimes de violences conjugales physiques et/ou sexuelles. Elles sont en moyenne 201 000 à se déclarer victimes chaque année, d’après les chiffres de l’ancien ministère des Droits des femmes. “Ça ne prend en compte ni toutes les formes de violences ni les femmes qui ne portent pas plainte”, précise Roxane.

« En moyenne, une femme décède tous les … jours victime de son compagnon ou ex-compagnon, et un homme tous les … jours. » Là, les hommes sont plus proches de la réalité. Michel pense que les bons chiffres sont 3 et 30 jours, Nicolas estime qu’ils sont 3 et 15 jours et Pablo croit que les bonnes réponses sont 10 et 20 jours. En réalité, les chiffres s’établissent à 2,5 et 15 jours, sans prendre en compte les meurtres qui n’ont pu être qualifiés de conjugaux. « Ça aurait pu être n’importe lequel d’entre vous », leur fait remarquer Roxane Amyot. « Ca va vite. La claque part et madame retombe mal.” Une information qui fait réfléchir les trois hommes présents.

La séance du jour se clôt. Pablo est très silencieux, comme pensif. « Vous avez des remarques, des commentaires ? », interroge l’équipe. Nicolas conclut : « Les chiffres sont effrayants. » Des chiffres effrayants qui reflètent pourtant une réalité à laquelle ils prennent part.

Camille BRONCHART

** Tous les prénoms ont été modifiés afin de garantir l’anonymat des auteurs participant au groupe de parole.
*** Pour une question de respect de la vie privée, nous avons volontairement choisi de rester vague.

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